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    CJM presents the 'Second Annual CJM Dubious Achievement Awards of 2016'



    THE GREEN CARPET
    It's that time of year again! That time of year we roll out the green carpet, dust off our wingtips and don tuxedos and evening gowns. With much pomp and ceremony I'm thrilled to present the 2016 CJM Dubious Achievement Awards. A much anticipated yearly event that recognizes and honours dubious achievement within our [cough, cough] industry. A celebratory time when we get to look back on the past year and collectively reflect and ultimately say, . . . say WTF man?! Or, dafuq was that posted? Or, is he/she right in the goddamned head?

    But don't gulp down that cheap glass of champagne just yet. For an even more spectacular atmosphere this year I've intentionally chosen the date of February 26th to upstage the insignificant Academy Awards and present our very own unique and prestigious awards show on the very same day! How do you like that Oscar?

    We're now going to take you to our green carpet reporter standing ready at the CJM Grand Hall's entrance.

    "Jewmoney, are you there?" . . .


    "Jewmoney reporting here, Dr. Juice."

    "Ah, Here come the long line of limousines now, one-by-one pulling up in front of the CJM entrance to unload their star-studded cargo. And tonight doesn't appear to disappoint. All of the CJM stars are in attendance and looking their very best. Very sharp indeed I must add. You just don't find this crowd dressed in such finery but save for a special night like tonight.

    Ah, but maybe I spoke too soon. There appears to be the odd battered pickup truck following behind the long precession of limousines and luxury cars. Lets see. I can easily pick out muscle_n_blood, 66Chevy, and Testbear disembarking from their crude vehicles simply by the tattered gym gear they've chosen to wear. Most likely to snub the CJM Academy, no doubt.

    But hold on. What's this? It looks to be snowpatrol, Zuespas, King56, and Affliction arriving in electric cars. I count a couple of Tesla's, and what appears to be one Chevrolet Bolt. Nonetheless, all smart chaps, each one doing their part to save the planet, and each one of them dashing in their accompanying evening attire.

    And the stars just keep coming folks. Arriving in a pair of matching white Lamborghinis are Drago and Midnght Kid. One looks genuinely delighted to be here, the other not so much. Strange to say the least. Any other night and they'd be riding here together in just one car. A lover's quarrel perhaps?

    And what's this? Just spotted across the street by the paparazzi are Nibiru and last year's multi-award winner S2KG, stepping down from the local transit bus. No shame in being thrifty but obviously none of S2KG's fame has translated into monetary gain in the past year. Ouch! Not one to be outdone in the fashion world Nibiru has gone with a Pierre Cardin 6-piece lime green and rhinestone studded suit with matching fedora and cane. We'd better hide our Lucky Charms!


    thump-thump-thump-thump . . . .

    "What's this? Hold on people but there appears to be a sleek-looking helicopter coming into view on the horizon. As it draws nearer I can make out the letters . . D . . R . . J . . U . . I . . C . . E . . on its tail boom. Why it's Dr. Juice making a grand entrance to tonight's award show! The helicopter is directly above us now and is making its descent to land."

    Thwop-thwop-thwop-thwop . . . bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz . . .

    "Oh would you look at this. Dr. Juice is the belle-of-the-ball tonight folks as he steps down from the cockpit of the landed copter. A more dapper figure there is not to be had as he's dressed absolutely resplendent for this special eve. Bedecked in a handsomely tailored Brioni suit; black of course, a logical choice for a man of noir, he looks generously cut tonight. Everything appears on point, from the sturdy bow tie upstaging his crisp white shirt right down to his step-out-on-the-town polished shoes. He then gives a smart wave of acknowledgement to the gathered crowd as he slips into the roof entrance of the grand hall.



    THE HULKY AWARD
    2016 marks the very first year presentation of the prestigious 'Hulky Award'. To be awarded one of these rare statuette's is to know you've ascended to great achievement here on CJM . . . or as the case may be . . . recognized for your remarkably god awful advice and/or post or thread. As you can see each 'Hulky' pays homage to our most time honored mascot . . . none other than 'The Hulk' himself! I ask, what better idol to adopt as an award? For we all know The Hulk would like nothing better than to mercilessly pummel your worthless ass for making such asinine contributions to this forum. A perfect match! So in the end take pride in knowing that your overall online shittiness will not go unnoticed from here on out and maybe, just maybe, you can earn a 'Hulky' and a permanent star on the CJM Walk Of Shame.

    THE 2016 'HULKY'




    THE 'HULKY'S' CEREMONY
    [With uproarious applause Dr. Juice makes his way toward the center stage podium and awaiting mic] "Good evening CJM and esteemed guests! First I'd like to take a moment to thank CJM's in-house lawyer turned reporter, Jewmoney and his sidekick chimpanzee, Munkeyspunk, for covering the night's festivities."

    [a cacophony of applause follows mixed with a few boos and hisses]

    "We are gathered here tonight to honor individuals of CJM who in past year . . . made really painful contributions to the forum. Whether by design or by default these contributions reached a new low watermark. I'm talking the crappiest of the crappiest here folks. But before we get to the awards I'd like to say a few important words first . . .

    Many a CJM'er, both noob and vet, just still don't get the intended jibe of this place. Let me explain. A really big part of this site is an exercise in growing thicker skin and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Even though a few people will rip you apart, a few people will also support you. This site scrapes away all of the expected politeness of reality and leaves you with the ugliness and honesty of everything underneath. No matter how you change the rules or layout or atmosphere, people are still going to be shitty. Morons will get heat from other morons for their stupid posts, awesome users will still get heat from assholes just because. But chances are, even if we altered course, the staff and I would have to deal with a LOT more whining about bullshit and no way in hell would we appreciate that. So with that said, carry on with all the shitty posts and freely exposed psychotic/neurotic behavior, for the 2017 Third Annual CJM Dubious Achievement Awards will be approaching quicker than you think. And admit it, you really want one of these 'Hulky's' on your mantle, don't ya?"

    [hesitant applause resonates through the packed theater]

    "Now, just the same as last year, I've compiled a special year end compilation to reflect back on some of all that happened in 2016.

    So without further ado." . . .



    THE 'HULKY' AWARD PRESENTATION
    Before we present the individual honorees to be awarded 'Hulky's', we must first give mention to . . .

    Some of CJM's Outstanding Performance Awards and Essential Statistics for 2016

    In no particular order the awards and outstanding statistics go to . . .


    Best Canadian AAS Forum in 2016:

    Winner: Canadian Juice Monsters (CJM)
    [CJM is a second year in a row winner in this category]

    Busiest Overall Traffic on a Canadian AAS Forum in 2016:
    Winner: Canadian Juice Monsters (CJM)
    [CJM is a second year in a row winner in this category]

    Longest Running Canadian AAS Forum as of 2016:
    Winner: Canadian Juice Monsters (18 years and counting)
    [CJM maintains its status as longest running AAS forum in 2016]

    Most Registrations in one calendar day on CJM in 2016:
    10 Registrations - March 23, 2016
    [Last year's record was 24 registrations]

    Most User Activity in a Single Day on CJM in 2016 (how many registered users logged in):
    268 registered users - January 19, 2016
    [Last year's record was 312 users]

    Most Threads Started in one calendar day on CJM in 2016:
    23 threads - December 16, 2016
    [Last year's record was 27 threads]

    Most Posts made in one calendar day on CJM in 2016:
    353 posts - January 7, 2016
    [Last year's record was 349 posts]

    New Registrations in one calendar year from January 1st, 2015 to January 1st, 2016:
    1,141 new registrations. Roughly 96 new registrees per month in 2016!

    Number of users Banned on CJM in 2016:
    85
    [Last year's record was 107. We're getting soft]




    . . . and now we move onto some of the Dubious Achievement Awards to be awarded to Individuals or Internet Entities.



    1. The 'Anabolex Award' is awarded to the Canadian Forum that was once a thriving emobodiment but then mysteriously dwindled down to nothing more than an empty wasteland, kinda like Donald Trump's campaign promises:
    Winner: MuscleFreakz
    Runner Up: CanadaBodybuilding (CBB)
    [CanadaBodybuilding was last year's winner in this repeat category]


    2. The 'BroScience Award' - goes to the most far-fetched medical advice and/or worst parroter of internet wisdom, myths and 'science':
    Winner: Centar (now banned) -- "Lately I haven't even been training traps directly though, and they haven't shrunk at all. Must be from all the androgen receptors in the traps. They respond really well to juice." >>> Post #41 specifically-- http://canadianjuicemonsters.net/for...light=Traps%3F


    3. The 'Les Grossman Award' for meltdown of the year and/or threads spiralling down into flames, profanity and threats ... or, "Well that escalated quickly!" goes to:
    Winner: bigguy1995 vs Zuespas -- Zues simply moved bigguy's thread to an appropriate forum which triggered a nuclear meltdown. Read for yourself >>> http://canadianjuicemonsters.net/for...light=starting

    2nd Place: Truth (now banned) vs CJM members -- Started out as a thread about Accutane advice but strangely got derailed and spiralled outta control >>> http://canadianjuicemonsters.net/for...ccutane+script

    Third Place: Testbear vs Truth -- Technically this thread started in 2015 but did carry over into 2016. It's pretty good so it should be honored again >>> http://canadianjuicemonsters.net/for...t=intimidating


    4. The 'Dr. House Award' - is awarded to the member that provided the worst medical advice in 2016:
    Winner: nOOb vs CJM members -- A thread that started with good intention but was wholly ruined with terrible medical advice >>> http://canadianjuicemonsters.net/for...aromasin+vodka
    Second Place: cdnjuiceman vs CJM members -- Another thread derailed with inane medical talk >>> http://canadianjuicemonsters.net/for...ren+sore+tummy


    5. The 'DW22 Award' is awarded to an individual who shills a brand or product and gets called out on it:[
    Winner: Bad juju -- Surreptitiously starting or replying to threads to shill an underground lab and/or being called out as a rep >>> http://canadianjuicemonsters.net/for...ad.php?t=57857


    6. The 'Endless Stupidity Thread Award' - most consistently deleted, argumentative, spiralling down to the lowest common denominator thread goes to:
    Winner: Truth (now banned) -- The thread started out well enough but was soon a shit show. Just read >>> http://canadianjuicemonsters.net/for...kids+talk+shit


    7. The 'Fastest Escalating Thread About Absolutly Nothing Award' as perceptively proposed by Sorbate:
    Winner: http://canadianjuicemonsters.net/for...a+north+review


    8. The
    'Law Enforcement's Efforts Pay Off . . . NOT! Award' -- is awarded to the largest underground steroids bust in 2016, goes to:
    Winner: Kayne Pharmaceuticals (This bust spanned across the nation) in Dec of 2016 >>> http://www.mississauga.com/news-stor...ing-operation/
    [This is a new award category in 2016]


    9. The 'Delta Force Award' is awarded to veteran that went M.I.A for a very, very long time only to return to CJM in 2016:
    Winner: Snowman -- missing 15 years
    Second Place [tie]: McBastard -- missing 13 years
    Second Place [tie]: Brandt -- missing 13 years
    Second Place [tie]: CrankDaddy -- missing 13 years
    Third Place: Crazy-Canuck -- missing 8 years
    Runner Up: F_uo (formerly WannaBhuge) -- missing 12 years


    10. The 'Rez Bathtub Award' is awarded to the lab with the crappiest name and most dubious reputation in 2016:
    Winner [tie]Medistar Labs (multi-year winner)
    Winner [tie]Alpha North [just look at those powdery pills in pic #2!] >>> http://canadianjuicemonsters.net/for...a+north+review
    Second Place: Male Pharma [worst lab name of 2016] >>> http://canadianjuicemonsters.net/for...ht=Male+Pharma
    Third Place: Mjollnir Pharma [this has gotta be a joke, right?] >>> http://canadianjuicemonsters.net/for...light=Mjollnir
    Runner Up: Xroid [bad name, bad look, just bad] >>> http://canadianjuicemonsters.net/for...ighlight=Xroid


    11. The 'Probably Peptides, or Dafuq Is It Award' is awarded to the brand of growth hormone that caused the loudest cries of displeasure, controversy, and just all round crappiness:
    Winner [tie]: Nouveautrope [not French, not GH, bunk] >>> http://canadianjuicemonsters.net/for...t=Nouveautrope
    Winner [tie]: Triton [plagued by bad bloods] >>> http://canadianjuicemonsters.net/for...=Triton+Update


    12. The 'David Banneth Award' goes to the staff member with the most banning's in one calendar year [2016]:
    Winner: muscle_n_blood -- 43 banned
    Second Place: Midnight-Kid -- 21 banned
    Third Place: Zuespas -- 8 banned
    [the 'David Banneth Award' makes its debut in this year's award show]


    13. The
    'Whack-a-Mole Award' is awarded to a banned member who keeps returning under a different alter:
    Winner: Jizzbrah (with no less than 7 alters! Keep it up son, you're almost there)


    14. The 'Dislike Assassin Award' is awarded to the thread which garnered the most "heat." In other words . . . dislikes.
    Winner: cdnjuiceman in 'Tren and Sore Tummy' -- 26 Dislikes [This thread started out well enough but then dissolved into a relentless dislike-a-fest] >>> http://canadianjuicemonsters.net/for...ren+Sore+Tummy
    [this is a new award category this year and cdnjuiceman is already a winner this year with a 'Dr. House Award.']


    15. The 'Millenial Award' is awarded to the one youngin' that has figured all this shit out and proves the rest of us have all been wasting our precious time:
    Winner: Disrespectful (now banned) in '1 week on tren ace INSANE!' >>> http://canadianjuicemonsters.net/for...ghlight=INSANE
    And there's a short Part II >>> http://canadianjuicemonsters.net/for...ghlight=INSANE
    [this is also a new award category in 2016)


    16. The 'I Just Got My Lab Test Kit In The Mail Award' is awarded to the individual who, through very specific and accurate lab testing, deciphered the results and posted them on the forum for the benefit and betterment of the CJM community:
    Winner: copaseet (now banned) -- in 'Newport Steroid Test Results ...' (check it out for a good belly laugh) >>> http://canadianjuicemonsters.net/for...d+test+results
    [yup, another new award category in 2016]


    17. The 'Most Mileage in a Thread Award' goes to the thread with the most views in 2016:
    Winner: Teragon Labs -- 177,116+ views!! >>> Teragon Labs
    [Teragon Labs is a first time winner of this award. Last year's winner (2015) was 'How Big Are You Really?'


    18. The 'Most Mileage in a Thread Award, Part II' goes to the thread with the most replies in 2016:
    Winner: snowpatrol in 'SP's off/on-season log' -- 1,392+ replies!! >>> SP's off/on-season log
    [this is a new sub-category award this year]


    19. The 'Obi Wan / Luke Skywalker Award' is awarded to the greatest physical transformation by way of guidance from mentor to pupil in 2016:
    Winner: The winning duo of muscle_n_blood and S2KG >>> http://canadianjuicemonsters.net/for...ad.php?t=57883

    Check out this transformation!



    20. The 'I Missed this just like the Federal Election Award' is awarded to the thread which had endless possibilities of awesomeness, but just like the federal election was missed by roughly 95% of CJM. We really should re-ignite this thread:
    Winner: Thread topic started by Bardock287 >>> http://canadianjuicemonsters.net/for...ad.php?t=56804


    20. The 'The Melting Snowflake Award' is awarded to the thread in which a CJM member became an SJW -- Social Justice Warrior, and called out CJM as being too harsh:
    Winner: Torturekiller >>>http://canadianjuicemonsters.net/for...ad.php?t=56386
    [this same thread (Kids Talk Shit) was nominated earlier in 'The Endless Stupidity Award' which was won by member, Truth]
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    Welcome to CJM, New User! - A Non-Official Guide to Your Potential Assimilation (click): http://canadianjuicemonsters.net/for...ad.php?t=53419

    Read about my Incarceration (click): http://canadianjuicemonsters.net/for...ghlight=newark

    Read about the History of CJM (click): http://canadianjuicemonsters.net/for...ad.php?t=40153

    "People prefer to follow those that help them, not those who intimidate them."

    -- Dr Juice
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  2. #2  
    Admin ~Dr Juice~'s Avatar
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    bumpity bump
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    Welcome to CJM, New User! - A Non-Official Guide to Your Potential Assimilation (click): http://canadianjuicemonsters.net/for...ad.php?t=53419

    Read about my Incarceration (click): http://canadianjuicemonsters.net/for...ghlight=newark

    Read about the History of CJM (click): http://canadianjuicemonsters.net/for...ad.php?t=40153

    "People prefer to follow those that help them, not those who intimidate them."

    -- Dr Juice
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  3. #3  
    Moderator muscle_n_blood's Avatar
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    Thanks, Doc. Always good to see my name up in lights... but I drive a Mercedes.... and congrats to S2kg for putting some effort into trying to become the real thing.
    Now where is that damn hammer?
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    There is no substitute for experience
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    Moderator snowpatrol's Avatar
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    Wheee, I'd like to thank my family, friends, haters... :O
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    Hardcore CJM ELDER Sorbate's Avatar
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    I enjoy the awards. Makes me laugh.
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    Any monkey can lift weights, it's the eating part that's hard.
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    Raging Lunatic SkullCrusher's Avatar
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    Always a good read, thanks DrJ.
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    Hardcore Motherfu*kin' Hulk xpac2's Avatar
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    How did I miss this thread! Awesome stuff thanks DR!
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    Vet Zuespas's Avatar
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    This is a great compilation! I totally forgot about BigGuy lol!
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    Keep your fancy bullshit... I just pick things up and put them down
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    Rampaging Hulk Britz's Avatar
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    nOOb was my all time favourite. He had no filter. It was funny and tragic at the same time. Let's get him back here!!!


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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    Quote Originally Posted by Britz View Post
    nOOb was my all time favourite. He had no filter. It was funny and tragic at the same time. Let's get him back here!!!


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    If I could ressurect someone it'd be Jizzbrah
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