What's new

Any Recovering Addicts Out There?

Thread starter #1

Grimlid

Registered
Joined
Sep 8, 2018
Messages
35
Likes
15
Location
GVRD
Hi,
My name is Grimlid I'm an addict.
I've been clean and sober nearly 17 years (approximately 6100 days back to back).
I do not represent any group or interest other than my own......
I smoked weed daily for 19 years, Crack for 6 years, Heroin for 2 years with some intermittent meth use mixed in on dry days and slow times. I was never able to put more than a few days back to back even when in jail or on the street no matter how hard I tried.
I was always well associated in criminal elements and this use was a natural progression for a dissociated youth like myself. I always had something for sale.
I got clean at 33 years old when I got sentenced conditionally to rehab (6 months) as the local Vancouver jails were overfilled. I got involved in 12 step recovery and haven't relapsed. I completely gave up all forms of criminal behavior and threw out my phone book and gave away all my customers before I showed at rehab. I also got my first gym membership around that time.
I still go to meetings and try to help new people. I got married and started a family at 5 years clean and got involved heavily in furthering my career and net worth while still remembering where I come from.
I also talk to my sponsor regularly and he gave me his approval to do the cycle I am currently on (Test 400, 500 mg week). This support from my sponsor means a lot as people in my recovery community can be pretty "Catty" with people who are accused of "Juicing". To me it is an outside issue to personal recovery.
I haven't been to meeting since I first started my cycle 3 weeks ago due to having the flu the first week (not test flu but really sick) and then being at work for 2 weeks in the Oil Patch. I am attending tonight but I thought I would see if anyone has any comparative experience or words of wisdom they could offer.
I have no plans of outing my Test use to the local recovery community on any public or personal level at this point. I dont give a care what people think of me but I would hate to diminish my capacity to help newcomers to the 12 step lifestyle.
Thanks to anyone who read this far.....Quite the saga.
 

snowpatrol

Super Moderator
Joined
Nov 16, 2013
Messages
5,671
Likes
2,223
Location
Alberta
I can abuse just about any substance with the best of them, happily I didn't start injecting anything recreational and had my first experience doing that with gear

Luckily (i guess?) the party lifestyle is not conducive to competitive bodybuilding so among a host of other reasons I steer clear of most things, especially coke/speed

Sounds like you have a lot of solid supports in your life, strong motivations to maintain your own sobriety and a clear / good head on your shoulders so good luck!
 
Joined
Sep 28, 2018
Messages
62
Likes
16
Location
ONTARIO
Hi,
My name is Grimlid I'm an addict.
I've been clean and sober nearly 17 years (approximately 6100 days back to back).
I do not represent any group or interest other than my own......
I smoked weed daily for 19 years, Crack for 6 years, Heroin for 2 years with some intermittent meth use mixed in on dry days and slow times. I was never able to put more than a few days back to back even when in jail or on the street no matter how hard I tried.
I was always well associated in criminal elements and this use was a natural progression for a dissociated youth like myself. I always had something for sale.
I got clean at 33 years old when I got sentenced conditionally to rehab (6 months) as the local Vancouver jails were overfilled. I got involved in 12 step recovery and haven't relapsed. I completely gave up all forms of criminal behavior and threw out my phone book and gave away all my customers before I showed at rehab. I also got my first gym membership around that time.
I still go to meetings and try to help new people. I got married and started a family at 5 years clean and got involved heavily in furthering my career and net worth while still remembering where I come from.
I also talk to my sponsor regularly and he gave me his approval to do the cycle I am currently on (Test 400, 500 mg week). This support from my sponsor means a lot as people in my recovery community can be pretty "Catty" with people who are accused of "Juicing". To me it is an outside issue to personal recovery.
I haven't been to meeting since I first started my cycle 3 weeks ago due to having the flu the first week (not test flu but really sick) and then being at work for 2 weeks in the Oil Patch. I am attending tonight but I thought I would see if anyone has any comparative experience or words of wisdom they could offer.
I have no plans of outing my Test use to the local recovery community on any public or personal level at this point. I dont give a care what people think of me but I would hate to diminish my capacity to help newcomers to the 12 step lifestyle.
Thanks to anyone who read this far.....Quite the saga.

Awesome brother keep clean and motivated!

I smoke the herbs here and there

and pin weekly ! :)
 

biguglynewf

Super Moderator
Joined
Sep 6, 2011
Messages
3,165
Likes
1,368
There’s a ton of guys on these boards that had or struggle with substance abuse issues. We’ve seen a ton of ups and down with a lot of very well known guys on the forums. Maybe even a couple here.

You definitely won’t be alone as an addict on the bodybuilding forums.

Good to have you. 17 years ain’t no joke. Awesome work sir.
 
Joined
Feb 10, 2014
Messages
1,868
Likes
788
17 years ... congrats on being clean for that long grimkind. I hope you will never use/abuse any substance again. Like newfie said there are a lot more people having an addiction at ghe boards than we moght think.

My only addiction is to exercise and it has done quite some harm to my health ober the years and I'm payinh for that now.
 

Testbear

Registered
Joined
May 12, 2014
Messages
4,206
Likes
1,968
Location
Vancouver
Yes I am an addict, many don't know here. But in my absence from the forums I was in a bad spot and a heavy alcoholic. 26 of whiskey a day was standard. 12 steps didn't help me for shit, I disagreed with a lot of it. The only thing that helped me greatly was cognitive behavioural therapy, it taught me to regain control of my thoughts, emotions and feelings. I learned a to be more Intune with myself and developed great self awareness. No higher power needed or sitting in those depressing rooms. Ive been through it all rehab as well. And the only reason i have it out for this 12 step non sense is because of the numerous times I was told if I didn't do the program I'd relapse. If I didn't find my "higher power" (I cringe at that fucking saying) is relapse. My sponsor would tell me who was going to relapse in the room because they weren't following the steps..

Anyways there's more than one way to stay sober. Regardless I still look at any addict as my brother, because when I see them. I see myself. If there's one thing I learnt from Aa it was that. And that is something I'm going to take through life with me and be as helpful to anyone struggling as I can be.

this isn't to offend anyone in a 12 step program. This is my experience and how I felt about the whole thing. And anybody struggling can pm anytime. Thanks
 

Spartin77

Registered
Joined
Aug 23, 2018
Messages
140
Likes
39
Location
Ontairo
I understand! I had 2 accidents back 2 back and went on a 10yr run of many types of Dr prescribed meds then I become my own DR and used whatever got me there!

I was a very big AAS user as well before the slip. I would make sure you have all the info on what this cycle can and will do for you both mentally and physically, try to understand the elevated hormonal effects and what these can possibly do to your health. I would also have everything you need for protection like Adex for estrogen ect! You are used to sharing so do not be afraid to ask questions and keep your mental health in check!

I would also have realistic goals set out for this cycle, weight, lifts ect. I'm also like Testbear no steps here just did my own thing but like him if you need any help I'm here!
 
Last edited:

Spartin77

Registered
Joined
Aug 23, 2018
Messages
140
Likes
39
Location
Ontairo
My only addiction is to exercise and it has done quite some harm to my health ober the years and I'm payinh for that now.[/QUOTE]

Some ppl would never admit that and it's nice to hear someone being honest! Anything in moderation is healthy but when something causes injuries to our health even over training it's an issue! Thank you MG
 
Joined
Jul 5, 2014
Messages
916
Likes
230
First off much respect for turning your life around, and choosing sobriety and life.

I have been battling addiction since prescribed dextroamphetamine at age 15. I'm 35. Been sober the last 10 years other than a few dark times adding up to maybe a dozen days over the years.

One thing I have noticed with juice over the years is that it can cause a bit of a bodyload/anxiety in the background that can contribute to my addiction cravings. Also PCT can be an emotional time. You will need to be very sanitary with your sobriety plan, make no excuses and stay around the people and places keeping you sober. Don't ignore them if they relay changes in your behavior they deem negative. If you cover up and don't talk about it much most people won't know you are on steroids, and if anyone says anything tell them you hired a trainer and started creatine. Lol.

Try to not let your idea of how others perceive you interfere with staying sober. You said it matters that you can help the newbs to AA, it might be wise to take a break from that once or if it becomes obvious you're using steroids. I understand the politics of the old timers in meetings and they protect their sobriety feircely, whether they are right or wrong. Addiction is a lifelong affliction and can slip back into your life in the most insideous and innocuous ways. Stay vigilent.

On that note I have used a cycle as a way to stay focused on the positive and to build myself up ,feel good about my appearance and as motivation to work harder and avoid the things that lead me to use. It's easy to avoid bad situations when they compromise your workout plan, especially a regimented timed out and weighed out diet. I would go as far as to say the gym has saved my life many times over. I have been in shape to the point a single beer was noticable in my performance for days, at that point I found it very easy to avoid it for that reason.

Low testosterone levels put me in a risky place, as I feel like shit and my brain screams for the things that make it feel better, so make sure to plan for that being a possibility for yourself. Addiction is largely a brains reaction to altered dopamine levels, the animal brain that functions at the subconscious level and steroids 100% fuck with dopamine levels so be mindful of that.

These drugs are powerful psychotropic drugs, but in a slow subtle way that seems to escape the notice of many of their users. The first time I used tren was one of my slips to alcohol as it was making me too anxious/wound up tight but I chose to ignore that as it is a miracle drug for bodybuilding.

Testosterone is easily the best bodybuilding drug in this context as it seems to only make me happy and relaxed and assertive which works for me and most others.

High estrogen can lead to depression and cravings as well. Same as low.

Enjoy bro! Never forget your sustained sobriety and the gym will give you better results than the best cycle ever and a ride down the rabbit hole.

These are drugs that will alter your mood in an addictive way, don't kid yourself. They will also alter your body in an addictive way.

As an addict I have to be super careful to avoid the more is better mentality when it comes to bodybuilding drugs as it's my natural inclination to have a case of the 'mores'. I've used steroids in everyway I've ever heard of and the less is more attitude serves a steroid user very well, from what I've seen and heard from the thousands of guys I've talked about it with.

Thanks for sharing, it's been a hell of a year for me and reminding myself how my church (the gym) and my higher power (the iron) have saved me over and over over the years.
 

biguglynewf

Super Moderator
Joined
Sep 6, 2011
Messages
3,165
Likes
1,368
I think many who gravitate here do so first in attempts to replace a “harmful” addiction with a “healthy” addiction. Only to find that maybe those lines aren’t coloured too differently at all.

Be smart about the path you choose. The BB lifestyle can be a positive change..... but it can also be largely unhealthy.... both mentally and physically.
 
Joined
Feb 24, 2017
Messages
735
Likes
391
So much respect but please just be careful- especially now that you’re juicing... these hormones may effect you and make you feel depressed due to side effects or inflate your confidence and make you feel like you can do no wrong.
 
Joined
Sep 7, 2018
Messages
51
Likes
26
I'm definitely addicted. Not a recovering one, but an active one. You could say though that I'm functional. Addiction does not cripple me or my life, but it's still there. Got a strong alcohol addition gene from my father (yes, sorry I use it as an excuse) but it does not fuck up my life. However, do I drink too much? Oh yes. I use it mainly as a sleeping medicine. I'm having a whiskey / coke as I write this. I'm hoping that I can smoke some pot in the future to mellow me out at night. I don't like the excess calories booze has. I got some really, really bad pot from my friends in the past. They can handle it, I can't. I just feel crazy and paranoid. Maybe one day I will find a strain that just makes me mellow. Would love that.

Oh yeah I'm addicted to steroids too. Sometimes I take small breaks and get back on stuff after few weeks. But I'm a pussy and don't dare to take high doses so my blood work always comes back ok. I guess not such a bad situation to be in.
 
Joined
Aug 9, 2018
Messages
16
Likes
8
Hi,
My name is Grimlid I'm an addict.
I've been clean and sober nearly 17 years (approximately 6100 days back to back).
I do not represent any group or interest other than my own......
I smoked weed daily for 19 years, Crack for 6 years, Heroin for 2 years with some intermittent meth use mixed in on dry days and slow times. I was never able to put more than a few days back to back even when in jail or on the street no matter how hard I tried.
I was always well associated in criminal elements and this use was a natural progression for a dissociated youth like myself. I always had something for sale.
I got clean at 33 years old when I got sentenced conditionally to rehab (6 months) as the local Vancouver jails were overfilled. I got involved in 12 step recovery and haven't relapsed. I completely gave up all forms of criminal behavior and threw out my phone book and gave away all my customers before I showed at rehab. I also got my first gym membership around that time.
I still go to meetings and try to help new people. I got married and started a family at 5 years clean and got involved heavily in furthering my career and net worth while still remembering where I come from.
I also talk to my sponsor regularly and he gave me his approval to do the cycle I am currently on (Test 400, 500 mg week). This support from my sponsor means a lot as people in my recovery community can be pretty "Catty" with people who are accused of "Juicing". To me it is an outside issue to personal recovery.
I haven't been to meeting since I first started my cycle 3 weeks ago due to having the flu the first week (not test flu but really sick) and then being at work for 2 weeks in the Oil Patch. I am attending tonight but I thought I would see if anyone has any comparative experience or words of wisdom they could offer.
I have no plans of outing my Test use to the local recovery community on any public or personal level at this point. I dont give a care what people think of me but I would hate to diminish my capacity to help newcomers to the 12 step lifestyle.
Thanks to anyone who read this far.....Quite the saga.
Recovering too bro... its a tough road some days but it gets better! Building my body is my new addiction
 
Thread starter #16
Joined
Sep 8, 2018
Messages
35
Likes
15
Location
GVRD
Thanks for all the solid support everyone.Special thanks to Moobaby Testbear and Snowpatrol
I thought this over for the better part of a year when my close friend and sponsee started using steroids. He was only 3 months clean and really hadn't grasped the sober lifestyle yet. I have been his friend through about a dozen relapses and I stay solid for my people and try to help them stay alive without judging. I have sponsored and also trained with several guys who started using roids in early recovery. High doses also. I was always pretty frustrated that I could hang in the gym and train with these guys and watch them blow up physically while I would gain minimally.
Anyways my friend was using way too much according to the advice I have received here (12-1400 mg test/week, deca and winstrol). He couldnt handle the emotional stuff very well and returned to weed to handle it. Im still with the guy and also using his source. He stopped training after 2 cycles because he hurt his back and now lost all his gains 6 months later.
Im hoping to learn from his mistakes and also not make new ones by following all your guys and gals advice.
Learning from others who know more than me is what got me a lot of my 16 plus years clean and trying to stay humble. Im trying my best to follow that recipe with this new path.
Im really trying to be prepared for the comedown in week 14. I got the Arimidex and Nolvadex and make sure to take it with me when I leave town. Im concerned about the depression I will likely suffer also. I have battled depression before while injured several times and also had pneumonia for 2 months a few years back (me and about a dozen people I knew all got pneumonia it was fucked). I think I am somewhat prepared and with the expectation that it will be a living hell Im hoping to survive.
 

snowpatrol

Super Moderator
Joined
Nov 16, 2013
Messages
5,671
Likes
2,223
Location
Alberta
(...)

Im really trying to be prepared for the comedown in week 14. I got the Arimidex and Nolvadex and make sure to take it with me when I leave town. Im concerned about the depression I will likely suffer also. I have battled depression before while injured several times and also had pneumonia for 2 months a few years back (me and about a dozen people I knew all got pneumonia it was fucked). I think I am somewhat prepared and with the expectation that it will be a living hell Im hoping to survive.
I've witnessed and felt the power of visualization/manifestation

Try not to craft a negative outcome for yourself before it has even happened

I don't bother coming off anymore, but when I did it wasn't bad. At all, actually

I prefer being on (or "TRT") but PCT didn't decimate my mood, steal my gains or libido
 
Thread starter #18
Joined
Sep 8, 2018
Messages
35
Likes
15
Location
GVRD
I've witnessed and felt the power of visualization/manifestation

Try not to craft a negative outcome for yourself before it has even happened

I don't bother coming off anymore, but when I did it wasn't bad. At all, actually

I prefer being on (or "TRT") but PCT didn't decimate my mood, steal my gains or libido
Good advice. I will remember that. Negative thinking can definitely set up a negative outcome (and the reverse)
Thanks
 
Top